Empowered

    Experiencing a calling famously brings about the imagery of clouds opening and bright lights from the heavens proclaiming a change in someone’s life. As dramatic as that is, that was not my experience, and I’d like to think the overdramatic kind is more of an exception than the rule.

    Well - let’s start with that - what IS a calling? You know, this was one of the hardest things to be able to narrow down. My research shows you how much of a nerd I am - defining a calling is so personal and unique that trying to have a generalized definition of it is like nailing jello to the wall.

    But - in the interest of clarity, being called means that you are being set apart for a specific purpose; it can happen in any dimension of your life. For example, I knew I was called to marry my beautiful and kind wife, Tadjena. We were called to be parents to our two energetic children, Alison & Aaron. But a calling, most of the time, is for a holy purpose, despite the secular world trying to realign the word to have deep connotations of connection to self-identity. 

Regardless - there are many different types of callings. Most of us in the room, if not all, have felt called to be a disciple or believer of Jesus Christ. As you interact with the body of Christ (the church), more callings may develop. The thing about being called is that not only does the Holy Spirit raise your self-awareness, but that change and that desire need to be evident, so much so that others can see and affirm your calling. Without recognizing a calling from the people who can verify it, anyone might just be living in their head. That’s one of the reasons why defining what is and what is NOT a calling can be challenging, especially in the beginning.  

About two years ago, I felt a call in my life to begin reaching out for leadership opportunities in ministry. One of the first moments when I felt God calling me was on a spring morning in 2019, and I forgot to plan for lunch. At the time, I had been walking on my lunch break to get outside and be active from my sedentary job. Again, I didn’t have lunch, and so I decided to practice fasting for the day. Now, what I’ve learned about fasting is, when you are fasting, the point is to replace the thing you’re giving up with more spiritual practice - praying, reading scripture, connecting with God instead of eating. So, that day - I’m not sure exactly what day it was - I decided not only fast for lunch but also to walk around Shoaff Park and pray. I took the whole hour, praying and walking, and I felt a peace that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. My hunger for lunch was diminished - even though the rest of the afternoon - and I felt pulled into the Holy Spirit, sustaining and filling me. 

    It has not been easy to listen and obey, discern what, and figure out where the calling might be. But as like the rest of us, I am a work in progress, and my call may change throughout my life. Callings are more of a journey anyway than a destination. When I started my job in the family court system, it felt like such a calling to help people in the way that I could. I would listen to heart-wrenching stories of divided and broken families, how one person is not following through or another is actively blocking a relationship. One of my coworkers, after one particularly long interaction with a litigant, said to me, “You must have the patience of a saint.” I thanked them, but after thinking about it, I realized that it was just what I do. It’s just a part of me to listen, hopefully, ask relevant questions, and help them figure out the next right thing.

    Unfortunately for most people, since I am not an attorney, I neither can nor will offer my advice, which most of the time they understand. I like that boundary for that, but at the same time, I felt a slight undercut with how much help I could provide. My pleasure came from taking someone who was lost or afraid of what “the system” might do for them (or not) and help empower them to be able to take the next step. 

My heart has always been for the downtrodden and misfits. Since I was young and been raised at Covenant United Methodist Church here in Fort Wayne, I always seemed to naturally gravitate towards mission projects, like even helping when my mom would prepare breakfast for a before-school program - I got to crack LOTS of eggs! (Maybe that’s where Aaron gets it from?) As I grew, the mission projects and trips got more complex, like going to West Virginia repairing homes; or raising money to combat famine across the world. When I was a senior in high school, I went on a spring break trip to New York to attend a seminar to bring awareness to global forced labor practices (also known as sweatshops, which now could be tied in with human trafficking). That was eye-opening! I was able to tour the United Nations building, and that was a great week. Unfortunately, that’s now been more than twenty years ago, but I am thankful to have the opportunities. 

Beyond that, I’ve been down the road of being divorced, unable to find a job, dropping out of school, caught up in bad life choices. I could have blamed so many things in my life. My life was one heck of a country song. 

    But, somehow, even when I was in doubt of the very existence of God, I was paradoxically certain God never left me. I can’t explain it. He was, in fact, right there when I was in need. At one point, I felt so far strayed that the only thing I had left to do was to cry out in prayer - God, I want to know you. Remove anything from my life that gets in the way. 

    And then slowly, God removed those things, and it was so powerful. As soon as I gave up control, that’s when God was right there to lead me out of the cave and to turn everything around. 

About eleven years ago, I started attending Covenant again after a long break. I came back because I was in a dark place in my life, and I had this odd sense of needing community, and it was a place that had always been good to me. I got involved a little at a time, and then I invited Tadjena (while we had first started dating) to attend with me. She hadn’t had the best experience with church in the past but was willing to give it a try. All of her other experiences paled in comparison to how she was welcomed at Covenant. She liked going with me, asking more questions, and even wanted to become a member. As Tadjena was going through the membership classes, I would ask her about what she was learning. It struck me how much of it I remembered from growing up in the church. This is significant because I feel like outside a few things, my memory is TERRIBLE. 

Anyway - much like how I just lost track of my story - coming back to Covenant allowed me to reaffirm my faith, and it grew from there. As weak as my faith was, I knew I didn’t want to be alone. At this time, I came across one of my favorite verses from the book of Micah. The prophet Micah lived at the time of Isaiah. He had harsh words for his people, the Israelites, saying that their city, Jerusalem, was about to be destroyed by invaders. When the Israelites ask Micah what they can do, looking for a way to appease a God who THEY THINK wants rituals and physical offerings, Micah has these words: (from the New Revised Standard Version)

“With what shall I come before the Lord, 

and bow myself before God on high?”

Shall I come before him with burnt offerings, 

  with calves a year old?

Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams; 

  with ten thousand rivers of oil?

Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression,

  the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?”

He has shown you - O mortal, what is good.

And what does the LORD require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

And to walk humbly with your God.”

Micah lays it out for the people of God. He says to them, your sacrifices and rituals will not please the Lord; in fact, they are grossly insufficient. What the Lord REQUIRES of us is to ACT justly, LOVE mercy, and WALK humbly with your God. Do you know who else walked humbly with God? Adam. And Noah. And Moses. And the 12 disciples. All of these people walked the walk and talked the talk. They lived into the Holy Spirit and followed where it led. 

Much later than this, Jesus, in his Sermon on the Mount, talks about some of the same things - in Matthew 5, verses 6-8- he says BLESSED are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied; BLESSED are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. BLESSED are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Now I’m not saying I’ve seen God, but if you look close enough at people, God will show up through them.

Two years ago, I was so anxious. Granted, those who know me know I have a pretty nervous personality without any extra encouragement in that department. [pause] I didn’t know what it was about my life, but I knew something needed to change. I was restless, and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. I think it was just a convergence of several factors - the external aspects of social inequality and injustice, the internal church factors of conflict around the church’s division, and the personal factors of being restless and wanting to dive deeper into something more fulfilling. 

    At the end of June 2019, I was sitting in the pews, just like you, listening to the Pastor give a sermon on preaching boldness and God’s faithfulness. Over the six months before this, I felt that God had planted the desire to serve the church in a larger capacity. When the Front Porch project was announced (which was an attempt at creating another venue for Covenant - like a community center of some sort), I spent a good two weeks brainstorming & researching potential projects that may be good for a community center-type building. I know I never passed any of those ideas along, but it still lit a fire that I was unaware that I had.

    Between that and 2019 being such a transition year for the church during the General Conference, political anxieties about the national elections the following year were beginning to ramp up, looking to turn the whole world upside down. So I no longer wanted to sit on the sidelines. What happened next? I did what most people would do - I went completely overboard. I started researching seminaries and various theological perspectives. I wanted to figure out how to make it happen all on my own. For months, I was living in my head about this change. I was trying to will it into existence. But I was leaving out even the most important people to me, my family.

    I’ve learned in my experience that this is not how God wants us to discover ourselves and what he created each of us to do. So I started with the most complicated conversation - with Tadj. It was uncomfortable and painful but so encouraging. We had to engage with how we would make the career change despite having two children under four. Tadj and I had to get used to living in faithful unknowing. Even before we were through this stage of discernment, I figured out I needed to include more people in this journey, namely my pastors. I took the next big faith step and wrote an email. [pause] Not all steps in faith development need to be bold and earth-shattering. The note I wrote to Covenant’s pastors was a lot of rambling, highlighting some of that email in my talk today. But I was motivated - I wanted to get out there and change the world and bring Christ anew in the lives of everyone who could hear the message. 

Throughout my life, I have wrestled, I have questioned, and I have even complained to God about himself. The thing that I love about Him is despite all of the negativity I’ve put in his way, that does not affect whether or HOW MUCH He loves ME. And through these things, my faith has been strengthened, so I can be a resource for people who may be going through similar experiences. I welcome questions and doubts. If we never ask any questions, how will we learn anything, even the depths of God’s love? That’s a trick question because there is infinite depth. Think of the worst person you know, and there is still a person with whom God loves and wants a relationship.

This is reflected in today’s reading from Romans. Paul was writing the church in Rome but for two different audiences, giving hope to the people there about living in the Spirit and what that looks like. Before we jump into our passage today, here is a little background on our selection. It’s written in a way that both the Jewish and Gentile audiences can understand. There were deep divisions between those two groups. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Paul uses his skills of persuasion to bring them together. He argues that we are no longer slaves but heirs. We are children by adoption through Jesus Christ. We are made part of the family because of Jesus. Being a part of a family is fantastic, but not all families are perfect. Paul is bringing together the two sides who are at odds. In one corner, we have the family members who have been born to the “chosen ones” (the Jews), and in the other corner, we have the ones who have come to the family by adoption. Paul does not distinguish between the two but says that we are all “brothers and sisters.” This is huge because the groups are at odds, but Paul says that they are all equal. 

I’d like you to close your eyes with me and imagine a circle with your family in it. Now, imagine a second circle with your friends. Next, imagine a third circle with people who are not like you in any way. Last, draw a big circle around all three. The enormous circle is the family of God. How does it feel to know that you are connected to so many other people, most of whom are strangers and may not look, act, or speak your language?? What are ways we could appreciate the diversity of our family?? Is there any way we could be better brothers and sisters?? 

There were many steps to get through over the past two years, but I completed the Candidacy retreat, multiple rounds of interviews, psychological testing, and licensing to preaching school. Every step along the way forced me to learn about myself and make sure that I was prepared to move forward. There was a LOT of self-reflection that happened over, especially the last six months. To be clear - I am not ordained, and currently is not in my plans to do so. There are two clergy paths in the United Methodist Church; one is ordained, and the other is licensed. So I have completed enough training that the Conference feels that I have met a basic fitness level to give me a license to preach and perform all other ministerial duties at this church during the following year. I have a mentor who will help guide me, and I have continuing education over the next five years to supplement my training & education. 

This process has been transformational for me. I hope you will allow me to walk with you and dive deeper into the pool of faith, and we can explore the depths together. I am excited about this appointment with Bethany because God will use my gifts for pastoral care to connect with a new congregation and neighborhood and hear the stories of faith, heartbreak, excitement, and grief. I am excited about questions and teaching and learning through the stages of grace. I am prepared for discussions, wrestling, and walking humbly through life with my new church. I want to be a spot of hope and mercy for not only that corner of Fort Wayne but to reach out online and be a witness example for whoever I may interact with. This has been in my prayers for more than two years, and I can’t believe it’s already here. How exciting is it to see answered prayers!

But in the end, this is the takeaway I’d like to leave with you - I am here for you, and let’s dive deeper into the greater mysteries of faith and how we can make a kingdom difference in our community. That may look different than what you’ve been taught in the past, but let’s find ways to move forward together. 

In his book The Call, the author Os Guinness says, “We become what we do. Calling reverses such thinking. A sense of calling should precede a choice of job and career, and the main way to discover calling is along the line of what we are each created and gifted to be. Instead of, “You are what you do,” calling says: “Do what you are.”’ If you haven’t done what you are, maybe take some time and find out what that is. You won’t be disappointed. AMEN.